Happy Mother's Day Mom

Dear Mom,

Happy Mother's Day! I think I told you at Thanksgiving but I thought I would tell you again (since we Koguts love to repeat ourselves) but I had NO idea how much you and Dad loved me until I had Mae. Becoming a parent has been life changing (yes, all the books were correct). Not only has it been life changing in the fact that I love Mae more than I ever, ever thought possible. But I also love you more and appreciate you more than I ever, ever thought possible. I had no idea what you had done for me and continue to do for me (and I am only 8 months in to being a mom so I am sure there will be more things that I realize).

Where do I began but to say thank you and sorry. Thank you for all your years of sacrifice for me, whether that meant you chose not to shower because you knew I would scream at the top of my lungs if you put me in my crib, or not going for a walk because you knew that my nap time was more important than you getting some fresh air (even though you knew that was the only thing that might keep you sane), or you not buying a new shirt because that meant you couldn't buy me a new shirt, or you not meeting a girlfriend for lunch because you knew that I probably have a nuclear meltdown. Thank you for getting up with me in the middle of the night when I was hungry, had a dirty diaper, or just didn't feel like sleeping. Thanks for rocking me back to sleep even though you could barely keep your eyes open . Thanks for not returning me when I was colicky (my biggest fear is having a baby that cries all the time).

Thank you for carting me around all the time until I could walk. Until I became a parent I didn't realize how frustrating it could be carrying around a 15 pound weight that flails their arms to and fro and pulls your hair every day. Thank you for teaching me right from wrong, teaching me to read, count, differentiate colors, shapes, and objects (I worry about being able to teach Mae these things).

Thank you for not working so that I didn't have to go to day care. Thank you for never saying to me, when you have a kid you will understand or when you are a mom yourself you will know what I am talking about (I hate parents that say silly things like that). Thank you for always rubbing or scratching my back in the morning. Thank you for getting up at ridiculous hour to take me to swim practice despite the fact you knew I would never make the Olympics. And thank you for not making me feel guilty for quitting swimming (even though you probably knew it could help you pay for my college).

Second, I am sorry for all the years that I never gave you a gift on Mother's Day or even a card telling you how much I appreciated and loved you. I know you will tell me now that I didn't forget a year but I know I did. I am sorry for crying in your face even though you were doing everything possible to make me stop. I am so sorry for saying something that hurt your feelings because lord knows, I can only imagine how painful it must be to hear your kid talk back to you (thank goodness Mae can't talk back yet). I am sorry for anytime I was super annoying and stubborn as a child (because I know there were many). I am sorry for not shutting up when all you wanted was some peace and quiet.

I don't think that I would be a good daughter to not recognize that I know this year must be hard for you because Grandma is no longer here. When we went to California and visited with Aunt Anne, I didn't realize until then how much I missed her. Gosh, I will miss her funny, frank, and caring comments. She truly was an amazing mom and Grandma. I know you must miss her more than me since you were with her for 58 years and she held you and cared for you as you have cared for me. I wanted to say that I know you must be grieving on this Mother's Day knowing you can't call her as I called you this morning.

I am sorry that I am not able to be with you today to celebrate Mother's Day but know you are top of my mind. But most importantly, thank you for being my mom and thank you for being my mentor for motherhood.

I love you.

xoxox, Alison (Princess #2)

Thinking of You

Tonight after walking home from dinner with a friend, I got delivered some sad news from my mom. This is just another in a series of sad news that we have heard recently. Sadly, it all has had to deal with the "c" word. And yes, I am talking about cancer and nothing else. Tonight my mom informed me that my Aunt Kathy was diagnosed yesterday with breast cancer. This is on top of the news I received earlier this week about my Aunt Denise, who was recently diagnosed with primary peritoneal carcinoma. A couple weeks ago, Pearson's mom told us that her cousin's wife, Virginia, was diagnosed with an aggressive form of breast cancer.

I have been thinking of all these wonderful, strong and courageous women who are struggling with and fighting this vicious disease. I know their fights won't be easy but I know in my heart of hearts that they will all ultimately beat their diseases and will come out healthy and stronger for it. I want them to all know we are thinking of them and praying for them and their families during this time.

More Cow Bell

I am happy that Pearson posted yesterday, however, when he says he has nothing to write, I am shocked. First, I am shocked because we all know Pearson doesn't lack for conversation. Second, Pearson is always coming up with new and exciting things for Mae and him to do.

If you know my husband, you know that he loves music and to sing. I have lived with Pearson for almost four years now so I forget how often he sings on a day to day basis. Pre-Mae, I was only reminded of it when we were around other people or out of our routine and folks commented about Pearson's singing. Now, when Pearson sings I notice because Mae cranes her head to listen and watch him.

We have drum sticks in the house but no drum, which Pearson has used time and again to drum out various songs on a desk, floor, or in the air. I, of course, find this to be extremely annoying and normally just walk out of the room. (Just to let you know they are from a halloween costume. Pearson dresses up as the Will Ferrell character from Saturday Night Live skit about Blue Oyster Cult and more cow bell). It was only a matter of time that Pearson showed Mae how to use the sticks (video and photos from April 10). I hope that Mae has her dad's appreciation and more importantly his ability to carry a tune because if she gets my talent to sing she won't have one.

Memories...of the way we are (and were)

If you have spoken with my wife recently, you've probably heard about my lack of editorial engagement on this blog. Part of the reason is time. The other reason is I just don't have much to say. On this latter point, my wife seems to have lots to say, and when I read this it's clear she has lots to say, and she says it very well. With the Mommy blogging trend, I wonder whether we shouldn't be promoting this thing a bit more!

So if I don't have anything to say, why am I writing?

Well, last night I took a look see into this little portal and got a glimpse of a super happy baby and a great mother. More importantly, I realized the investment in our SLR is really paying off. Alison has captured some great shots of Mae, some good shots of herself, and a few passable ones of me.

Alison has pretty well summed up our love affair with Miss Maesy, but seeing this pictures, whether I'm at work or on the road, make me the happiest dad EVER! Ever, I mean it! Like, in the history of "ever" ever.

If you put me in a basket, I will get out.

Ughhhh!!

I could write a post about Mae and what she has done new today but I am not going to bore you with another post about Mae (just kidding). I am going to write about something I have been complaining about internally for the last two weeks and am going to start complaining about out loud if it doesn't improve. Pearson is also complaining about it heavily tonight so I thought it was appropriate.

Drum roll....the weather. (Yes, not a new topic but something I haven't talked about since I have had Mae). Once again, I wonder why we live here?!? Yes, it is a rhetorical question. However, I have begun to worry that Mae will not know what it is like to experience a true Spring. Spring time should mean warmer temperatures, the ability to walk outside with long sleeves, pants and no jacket, hanging out in the grass and having picnics. It should not mean hitting the switch to our gas fireplace and Pearson walking inside complaining how cold it is outside. Today we were fortunate to have some sun in the morning but it was windy and 50s. I don't like to beat a dead horse with the weather but this gets old after awhile. I want to be able to go outside with Mae and not worry whether she should be wearing a hat and a polar fleece. I want to walk outside and it not be raining, which it did all last week. This time of year is especially hard to reside in Seattle, it just seems like a long slog until some nice weather.

Ok, rant over.

Dearest Mae

Dearest Mae,

You are eight months old today and right now you and your dad are doing your Sunday night ritual of taking a bath together (just started this past month). Just to let you know, your father wears a swimsuit. I think that this is one of your favorite times of the week. I know it is his. You and your dad just giggle and play in the tub together. Your dad has created a game that pits bath toys against each other. It is a head to head competition of which one you favor most. Resulting in your favorite of that week. Last week, I believe the dragon won. We shall see this week.

This month was a little bit harder for me as a parent and I think for you as well. You have always been a relatively mellow, laid back baby and always willing to go with the flow. This month you have been feistier. You fussed and cried more than usual. This behavior change made for longer and more tiring days for your mom. I also had to flex more patience then I have had to in the past. I don't know if this feistiness was a result of all the many developmental changes that are happening -- there have been quite a few! For a long time, I thought it was teething related but you still don't have any teeth, so there goes that theory out the window. You did get sick for the first time this month, which explained your feistiness for a couple days. I don't tell you this because it was bad but to tell you, you are constantly evolving and changing as a person. And I am seeing many sides to your personality -- all of them I love. Your fire and passion this month was a little more trying for me but it taught me a lesson about creativity and patience.

As for developmental changes, like both your father and I, you have started to love to talk. Your favorite thing to say is "da" but you also say "ma," "ga," and "ba." There are even moments when your father and I swear we hear real words. I believe you say Ditka and you have a stuffed duck that we swore that we heard the word "duck" come out of your mouth the other day. Grandma Kogut made a suggestion that maybe we will have to get an egg timer for family conversations. Each person will be allowed five minutes to talk so that we can all learn the act of listening. Your Grandma is a smart lady.

You also have really started to move your body. You are still creeping instead of crawling to get places most of the time. That is not to say that you aren't trying to crawling on all fours, you have just taken to it just more tentatively. You have also started to pull yourself up on someone else. Standing is still your favorite thing, and you can stand holding on to something independent of anyone holding you up. And the best part you rarely fall over.

As your fussy period came on this past month without warning, it has left and has been replaced by the happiest and funniest baby I have ever met. You have become a hoot. The other day at the grocery store you were so happy and excited, you decided to scream/talk at the top of your lungs while being pushed in the cart. You made me laugh hysterically while also making other shoppers laugh. And once you realized people were entertained by you, you continued to do it. I felt that I was a celebrity because so many people were amused by you.

Your number of nicknames continues to expand. We now call you hummingbird quite frequently. You make motor boat noises with your lips very quickly and very often. I say that your lips are like hummingbird wings, hence the nickname. You do the motor boat noise everywhere, while sitting in your car seat, while we are out for a run, or just to get our attention. I also call you Maesey Moozies. Why? I have no idea.

I have become a bad mom and have fallen prey to napping with you during the day on our bed. I love snuggling with you right before "our nap" and having your little body so close to mine. These are special moments for me and I know you will never remember them or can tell me what you think about it but I think you enjoy it as well. Everyday I say I am not going to do it but being able to watch you fall asleep, sleep, and then wake up is pretty special for your mom.

I love seeing you change and evolve and I know that this is only the beginning of a lifetime of growth and development. Thank you for also helping your mom change and evolve constantly. Can't wait to see what the next changes will be (for both of us).

I love you always.

Love, Mom