Happy Mother's Day! I think I told you at Thanksgiving but I thought I would tell you again (since we Koguts love to repeat ourselves) but I had NO idea how much you and Dad loved me until I had Mae. Becoming a parent has been life changing (yes, all the books were correct). Not only has it been life changing in the fact that I love Mae more than I ever, ever thought possible. But I also love you more and appreciate you more than I ever, ever thought possible. I had no idea what you had done for me and continue to do for me (and I am only 8 months in to being a mom so I am sure there will be more things that I realize).
Where do I began but to say thank you and sorry. Thank you for all your years of sacrifice for me, whether that meant you chose not to shower because you knew I would scream at the top of my lungs if you put me in my crib, or not going for a walk because you knew that my nap time was more important than you getting some fresh air (even though you knew that was the only thing that might keep you sane), or you not buying a new shirt because that meant you couldn't buy me a new shirt, or you not meeting a girlfriend for lunch because you knew that I probably have a nuclear meltdown. Thank you for getting up with me in the middle of the night when I was hungry, had a dirty diaper, or just didn't feel like sleeping. Thanks for rocking me back to sleep even though you could barely keep your eyes open . Thanks for not returning me when I was colicky (my biggest fear is having a baby that cries all the time).
Thank you for carting me around all the time until I could walk. Until I became a parent I didn't realize how frustrating it could be carrying around a 15 pound weight that flails their arms to and fro and pulls your hair every day. Thank you for teaching me right from wrong, teaching me to read, count, differentiate colors, shapes, and objects (I worry about being able to teach Mae these things).
Thank you for not working so that I didn't have to go to day care. Thank you for never saying to me, when you have a kid you will understand or when you are a mom yourself you will know what I am talking about (I hate parents that say silly things like that). Thank you for always rubbing or scratching my back in the morning. Thank you for getting up at ridiculous hour to take me to swim practice despite the fact you knew I would never make the Olympics. And thank you for not making me feel guilty for quitting swimming (even though you probably knew it could help you pay for my college).
Second, I am sorry for all the years that I never gave you a gift on Mother's Day or even a card telling you how much I appreciated and loved you. I know you will tell me now that I didn't forget a year but I know I did. I am sorry for crying in your face even though you were doing everything possible to make me stop. I am so sorry for saying something that hurt your feelings because lord knows, I can only imagine how painful it must be to hear your kid talk back to you (thank goodness Mae can't talk back yet). I am sorry for anytime I was super annoying and stubborn as a child (because I know there were many). I am sorry for not shutting up when all you wanted was some peace and quiet.
I don't think that I would be a good daughter to not recognize that I know this year must be hard for you because Grandma is no longer here. When we went to California and visited with Aunt Anne, I didn't realize until then how much I missed her. Gosh, I will miss her funny, frank, and caring comments. She truly was an amazing mom and Grandma. I know you must miss her more than me since you were with her for 58 years and she held you and cared for you as you have cared for me. I wanted to say that I know you must be grieving on this Mother's Day knowing you can't call her as I called you this morning.
I am sorry that I am not able to be with you today to celebrate Mother's Day but know you are top of my mind. But most importantly, thank you for being my mom and thank you for being my mentor for motherhood.
I love you.
xoxox, Alison (Princess #2)
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